Even from miles away, cloaked and mounted on my mare, I could see the valor that beheld the large stone fortress of Goldoa. The slightly clouded sky moved slowly within the distance behind it, almost seeming surreal to me. Yearning for him was what led me here this far, but...I dared not to travel further. Gazing at the grand walls of the kingdom, I took in a breath and savored it. This place was his homeland and...I hoped his homeland was enough to mellow the unsettling feeling growing inside of me. The breeze was gentle and warm...considering how ancient the lands of Goldoa appeared. It was almost like a trip back in time. However, somehow, I felt like it was a mistake coming here. I only wanted to come within those walls and find him now, but...I resisted. Still, the feeling continued to echo from inside. Closing my eyes tightly and clearing away my thoughts in hopes of calming myself....
I wish I can come closer, my thoughts resounded inside my head. I wish I can see you, embrace you...and clench the deep thirst I have grown for you. No food nor water could ever rid this emptiness that continued to overcome me. No company of a man or woman could ever fill up the ever-growing loneliness that rooted deep within the depths of my soul.
Why haven't you returned any of my letters? I wondered. Did you lose interest in me? A throb clenched within my chest, but I sat still on the saddle of my mare, gazing low. ...Don't you miss me, too, Taka? Even in Saarjan where I kept myself busy learning its cultures, its civilizations, and brewing plans for its king, my mind persisted to wonder back on him by the end of the day. What a pitiful man I have become.
If things were different and we didn't get entangled with each other, I wouldn't be missing him like I was right now. I wouldn't be this weak man who cared about him. Back then, I was never afraid to die. If I died, it was my time to and there was no one to make me think twice about it. I accepted that fate without question, but now...the very thought of it sometimes kept me up awake at night.
I want to be with you...for as long as I still have. And even with that, it wasn't long. Time was against me. It was against us, and here we were, apart from each other. In truth, we weren't really granted much time to be left alone together. This was our fate and...we chose that together, didn't we? No matter how long ago it was, I would never forget the vow the two of us made to each other, even if it wasn't nearly at the same moment. It was him who vowed it first. Even then, when I attempted to cut the ties between us, he waited patiently for me to come to terms with what we had together...and for that vow to be returned.
I'm never going to let you go. Those were the words we promised each other.
Shoulders dropping, I gazed with much intensity at the tower within the tall walls of his kingdom. Somehow imagining he was there, looking back at me with that half smile of his... That's right. He's been with me all this time. My gaze fell low as I stared at my hands, gripping tighter onto the reins. No, I haven't forgotten. I missed him because I yearned for his warmth, his voice, and his physical presence, but...He has been with me. Softly smiling at myself as I gazed at the large fortress one last time, I yanked the reins of my mare to head in the opposite direction from where I had intended to go. I was able to do this because, someday but not today, I knew our fates would intertwine to enable us to see each other again. He made sure of that, and so did I.